Purim- Just One More, And Then I'll Be Happy
Rabbi Albert Gindi
Purim- And Then I’ll Be Happy
Haman told them about his great wealth, his many sons, and all the honor the king had given him — how the king had raised him above all the other ministers and servants of the kingdom.
Haman said, “Queen Esther invited no one but me to join the king at the banquet she prepared, and tomorrow I am invited again together with the king.
Yet all of this means nothing to me whenever I see Mordechai the Jew sitting at the king’s gate.”
This is perhaps one of the most insightful monologues in history. As it contradicts everything in modern society, which we have been nurtured to know.
Money, power and acquisitions. It's pretty clear that people think they are the main and perhaps only key to happiness. And even if those who have achieved those things will tell you that they don’t really believe they are of any importance, their actions makes things very clear. The sacrifices which people will make to achieve wealth and power boggles the mind.
Suddenly, spending time with the family or upholding the rules of honesty goes out the window very quickly. How many families have been broken because the father just had to spend another night at the office, another flight to an important meeting, a couple more hours (years?) to get that promotion.
Then the day comes, and they achieve their dreams. Only very quickly do you discover that what you thought would bring you happiness, only leaves you emptier and hungrier than before. But rather than using this insight to understand that more isn’t better, and that money and things really can’t buy happiness, we decide that it simply wasn’t enough. As I once heard potently stated, “Money can’t buy happiness, but a lot of money can.”
And though there are only countless of stories of people who destroyed their life running after attention, or on a massive scale, “fame”, we would rather make our own mistakes rather than learn from the foolish decisions of others. “I know that billions of people have walked this earth before me, and none of them have found long term happiness running after the pot of gold I am now so desperate to grab, but maybe for me, things will be different.” And you know what? Maybe they will. But why try so hard to take a pill which on so many people it had nothing but a detrimental effect?
And of course, materialism is important. There is a reason every holiday we are told, “There is no happiness without wine and meat,” Every Shabbat, we are told to indulge in the finest of treats, and the definition of “Half for you” on Shavuos means that you must lay the greatest of delicacies on your table. The physicality which Hashem placed on this earth is a great source of assistance to bring joy into our lives.
A positive outlook is very important, and as we will see, crucial, but in no way is it all you need to be happy. Annoying people will leave us feeling disturbed. Having an empty stomach can definitely cause stress and strain. So we should definitely do everything in our power to emerge from bad situations and immerse ourselves into good ones.
Yet although you need a nice place to live, money in the bank, food on the table, family, fulfillment and friends, don’t throw away more than half of that list, in the pursuit of more. Don’t think that love and attention are two words with the same meaning. Realize that more isn’t better, how if you sacrifice what’s important for what tempts you, you are going to have a very horrible life.
And I know that you would prefer making your own mistakes, but if you would just take a moment to look at the mistakes of others, there is so much to be learned. We find Haman here in the Megillah, the man who we are told very clearly has got it all. And funnily enough, not only does he have it all, he knows he has it all, to the point where he sits down his entire family to preach to them about it. “I have honor. I have wealth. I have a big, beautiful family. I have the highest royal position of any minister in this entire kingdom. Queen Esther made a party for her husband king Achashverosh, and invited only me. And tomorrow, she’s inviting me again. Who’s got it all? I do, that’s who.”
Wow. You cannot get much clearer than that. For all those looking after a role model when running after wealth, honor, and power, search no more because here he is. Haman the rosha, with all his prestige. This is the man who came farther than anyone else in his kingdom, in practically every dream in the American fantasy. He’s got loads of wealth, the most coveted position in all Persia, and the kings personal signet ring to do as he pleases.
But then he says something which should make you pause, for a very long time. Long enough to rethink all of your priorities until you can figure out what’s truly important, and where you are just stuck in this stinky sweaty rat race wasting most of your time. “All of this is worth nothing to me, so long as that Jew Mordechai sits there by that gate. For as long as he breathes, everything that I have, anything I have ever achieved, gives me absolutely no happiness or satisfaction.”
How in the world can he make such a statement? How can he know so clearly that he has so much, and yet simultaneously feel worthless because he lacks so little? Haman is so fortunate in so many aspects of his life, how can he allow something so shallow as the existence of one man to ruin it all?
“When I have a house that I can call my home, then I will be happy.” “When I get that nice fancy car, then I can sit back and allow that feeling of pure bliss to flow through my veins.” “If my wife, my neighbor, or my dog would only smile at me a little more, I would have contentment in my life. But so long as they frown or continue to act in a way even slightly different than my dreams, I will be absolutely miserable.” “I’m not happy, and you are the problem.”
Sound familiar, anybody? I think so. Unfortunately, it is the basis of so many of our thoughts so many times throughout the day. I don’t have this, so I can’t be happy. She isn’t nice to me. My boss barks at me every time he wakes up on the right side of the bed, never mind the wrong one. And this is why I will live my life in a continuous state of depression, a gloominess which will only change when things start to go our way.
Which is why we have to take back, take a look at Haman, and realize that if we are going to wait until things begin to go our way, they never will. If we are always looking at everything and everybody around us, instead of looking inside ourselves, we will always find a reason to be miserable. Because unless we decide that we are going to accept how things are today, there is always going to be a hindrance to our happiness. Haman had everything, and yet he had nothing at all. Because during his entire path to the top, no matter how much he had, he always focused on what was still missing. He didn’t just have a half empty cup. He had a cup so smashed and shattered that it had no hope of repair. Everything was always about more, better, and never about enjoying what he had today.
If we are going to wait until your dreams become a reality, or until your dog learns how to give a proper hello, we will end up waiting forever. Because no matter how far you come, there will always be something which you haven’t yet achieved. Maybe it’s not something you can see right now, but when you finally get to the top of the mountain, you will find it waiting there for you on the other side. And then all our possessions, all of our money, our beautiful family, and all the power, will mean nothing to us. We will see our “Mordechai” sitting there mocking our everlasting failure, taking all the joy out of life, because of those goals, no matter how small, mocking us, forever eluding our frantic grasp.
