Perashat Emor- When Everything Goes Wrong: The Secret to Surviving Your Worst Day.
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By Rabbi Avraham Gindi
“And the son of the Jewish woman pronounced the name of Hashem, and he cursed.”
(Vayikra, Perek 24, Verse 11)
The scene which unfolds in this weeks Parasha is absolutely shocking. Here you have a member of Klal Yisrael, lashing words of degradation against his Creator.
Let’s take a moment to appreciate the gravity of that detail.
Am Yisrael at that time was termed Dor Deah, the Generation of Knowledge. This is testament to the fact that they had more clarity than any other generation, due to their pure, undiluted experience of Hashem’s Oneness.
They saw nature turn on itself, as Hashem performed miracles which were clear as day. They witnessed water turning to blood, hail which encased fire, a sea that split, and so much more, right before their eyes. They screamed in unison “Naaseh Venishma!”, at the foot of Har Sinai, and trembled in fear as they heard Hashem speak.
In contrast to such clarity, we, who weren’t in Mitzrayim, are like blind men trying to understand the color red, or someone who ate potatoes his entire life, trying to grasp what it feels like to eat something sweet. For we could search deeply for clarity, and yearn endlessly to understand. But lacking that powerful, personal experience, we will never be able to know, the way that they did.
Yet when we look at the story with that detail in mind, the way it unfolds is astounding. This isn’t just a random fellow losing his wits in public. This man who cursed, belonged to the most elite group of people in the history of the world.
So how did he act in such a degrading way? How did he act so despicably towards his Creator, knowing Hashem as clearly as he did?
An Unwarm Welcome
Now, let's take a moment to look at the story of this man, who we will nickname David.
David’s mother was Shulamit from the tribe of Dan, and his father was an Egyptian taskmaster. As Jewish lineage before Matan Torah went after the father, David was born a complete goy, and only converted later in time.
(Rashi, Vayikra, 24, 10)
All of this meant that he had no connection to the tribe of Dan, or any other Shevet in Am Yisrael.
The trouble began when David decided to pitch his tent next to his mother in the encampment of Dan.
Upon seeing their new neighbor, one man from Dan decided to act as border patrol, and inform him that he is encroaching on territory which he didn’t own.
He was effectively telling David, that as a convert, he was unwelcome to live both in their tribe, or with any other tribe in Bnei Yisrael. While everyone else had a place to call home, he would be forced to live alone.
It would be difficult for anyone to accept such news with grace, and David didn’t take this rejection sitting down.
“What are you talking about?” He said, “My mother is from Shevet Dan, and that is where I am meant to be.”
The argument grew and magnified, until they went to Moshe Rabbeinu to settle the case.
Moshe listens carefully to both of their arguments, but ultimately rules that, “Shevet Dan is right. You have no business entering their land.”
David walks out of the court room in a fit of rage.
And in that difficult moment, a “good hearted” fellow tells him something which just stokes the flames.
“Not only did Moshe rule against you,” he said, “He also killed your father using the name of Hashem¹.”
(Pirush Harosh, Vayikra, 24, 10)
David realizes that his father’s death came through the name of Hashem, and his anger increases even further. With all that pent up rage, he lashes out in a despicable manner at Hashem Himself.
What A Life
Now, of course, we could have much sympathy for David. First, he had to grow up as an orphan, never knowing a father’s embrace. And now, he is being sent to live alone. That can’t be easy. And yes, such a man wouldn’t have been the greatest father. But that doesn’t negate the fact that he grew up without one.
So, if you want to ask, “How did this happen? What brought him to lash out in this terrible way?” This background story, is in part, a way to empathize, and to understand.
But let’s think about this a little more deeply. Are those explanations sufficient?
Yes, something terrible happened to him. It wasn’t like he woke up on a beautiful morning with the birds chirping in the background, and excitedly said, “This is it! Today’s the day when I curse my Creator.”
Rather, he had a terrible day, and was triggered by circumstances none of us would even want to understand.
What Happened?
But nevertheless, that in no way answers the question.
Because yes, sure, this guy, he went through a difficult time. There's no doubt about that. But was he the sole person in the Jewish nation to endure difficulty?
This was a generation of slaves, who underwent terrible suffering at the hands of their masters for years. They had no rest, and no respite. They were terribly abused, and many of their children were murdered with cruelty.
In addition, there were many other people who also lost their father. As relayed in Rashi (Shemot, 13,18), four-fifths of the Jewish nation perished during the plague of darkness.
Do you understand the gravity of those words? 80 percent of the generation died, just before they were redeemed. That is not a small minority, any way you slice it. The entire generation was affected in some way. No family was spared.
Yet solely one person reacted in this way.
So, no, it does not answer the question. It may clarify one matter, but another matter arises. Which is, what caused him to react this way from his difficulty? And what caused the rest of the Jewish nation, to react beautifully, and to believe in Hashem, despite their pain?
Everyone had their difficulties. Why was he the only one to react as he did?
In order to understand this, we must delve into what causes any person to lash out. What leads a person to go into a fit of rage, where he curses, and screams?
Out Of Control
The Gemara says, “אין אדם עובר עבירה אלא אם כן נכנס בו רוח שטות.” (Sotah 3A)
Nobody sins unless they have a nonsensical emotion which enters their veins. Something triggers them, and takes them out of their regular state.
All of us have experienced this. We all have times when we say, “Okay, I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to speak to my spouse in that way. I’m not going to eat this, or do this bad thing.”
And then suddenly, something happens which bothers us deeply. Either something makes us anxious, jealous, or angry. Somebody talks to us in a degrading fashion, and that embarrassment sets us off in a terrible way.
And when we lose ourselves, we lose control in a way that results in sin.
Now, some people will say that such rashness is unavoidable. “It’s just a negative reaction, to an even more negative situation.”
But in truth, there is one way, and only one way, that it can be cured.
And that is by trusting that although there may be pain, everything that happens is entirely beneficial.
You Don’t Need To Understand
As Chovot Halebabot says throughout Shaar Habitachon, a person who is a Baal Betachon, knows with absolute certainty that misfortune will only come his way, if it's for his absolute benefit.
Therefore, he’s not bothered by any situation. He can lose his job, his home, and be degraded in the worst way, yet he has the faith and the fortitude to accept that every situation is only for his best.
How terrible tragedy and misfortune can be for our benefit, is not something the human mind can grasp. There’s a limit to how much we can understand.
But Emunah is not about understanding. It’s about accepting that although we can’t perceive it, we ultimately trust it to be for our best.
This is a difficult goal. But through consistent effort, it is something which each of us can grasp.
Even this great Generation, the Dor Deah, was plunged into the wilderness for forty years, in order to be challenged to develop that faith. (Ramban, Devarim, 8,2)
Because although they knew Hashem on a level which we could never fathom, developing the fortitude to act in accordance with our truths in moments of difficulty, takes a lifetime.
You can understand that difficulty is for the best. But unless you invest years instilling that belief into your heart, one difficult moment can shatter it all.
But although the entire generation had that Emunah, this man didn’t.
The Jewish nation instilled love and trust of their Father in Heaven in their hearts, and so their triggers led them towards Hashem.
But as the Daat Zekanim explains (Vayikra 24,20), this man was the son of an Egyptian, and he was terribly influenced by their attitude. They would sit around degrading Hashem in a despicable way, tainting this man’s perspective towards his Creator.
Therefore, at that critical time when he encountered difficulty, his trigger didn't lead him to prayer. His trigger didn't lead him to acceptance.
His trigger led him to lash out in a horrendous way.
Are We Prepared?
All of us have those triggers in our life. They could be the smallest things, yet they can destroy our serenity.
We spend hours preparing a beautiful meal, only to have our toddler drop and splatter it all over our freshly mopped floor.
We work so hard to get that sale, yet things don’t go our way.
Or worse — somebody humiliates us, and sends daggers through our heart.
We may want success as badly as everyone else, and that perceived lack leaves us feeling jealous. We see people buying new cars, and going on crazy vacations, while we struggle just to get by.
When those critical moments arise, the way that we prepared ourselves, is the way we will react.
If we spent our entire lives complaining that, “Life's not fair. Life is too difficult. Why doesn’t anything ever go my way?” — then in those critical moments, nothing will save us from lashing out.
And like this son of an Egyptian, that negativity will damage ourselves, our families, and everything we touch.
But if we work on being like Am Yisrael — who developed the positivity and trust to stand with fortitude against the whims of life — we will rise to the challenge, and come out stronger.
And instead of falling down, shattered and broken, we will stand up, put our hands out, and embrace Hashem.
Because we know at that moment — and at every moment — that He is our loving Father in Heaven.